1. Zombie apocalypse.
2. Mitt Romney elected president, hails handout-dependent rich people who backed him.
3. Paul Ryan elected vice president, smirks.
4. Adam Sandler makes a good movie.
5. National Institutes of Medicine says aspirin, between the knees, is effective contraceptive.
6. Rolling Stones say no more concert tours, cite arthritis pain.
7. Scientists discover fat and grease are good for you, warn against vegetables, whole grains.
8. Donald Trump receives Mensa IQ award.
9. Monday, most disliked day of week, eliminated in 25 countries.
10. World ends Dec. 21.
Photo: Luke Roberts // CC 2.0