Army Corps of Engineers repairing massive leak in Cheney

Leak went undetected for two years, says Army Corps chief

The Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) began working around the clock to repair what they called “a massive leak” in Vice President Dick Cheney, the head of the USACE confirmed today.

Lt. Gen. Carl A. Strock, commander and chief of engineers for the USACE, said that the leak in the vice president was approximately four inches in diameter and was located in the lower half of Cheney’s face.

“When we realized the size and scope of this leak, we immediately sent an emergency team of engineers to the vice president’s head to address the problem,” Strock said.

But even as the USACE team was dispatched to the vice president’s secure, undisclosed location, some experts wondered why the leak, which reportedly first appeared in July of 2003, took so long to attract the attention of the government.

According to Dr. Lawrence Trester of the University of Minnesota’s School of Engineering, “It strains credulity that a four-inch leak in the vice president’s face wouldn’t show up in one of his annual checkups.”

Andy Borowitz writes a daily humor column at borowitzreport.com.