Here is something different for People’s World, an excerpt from my forthcoming comedy The Adventures of Jorge and Monte (copyright 2020). The particular scene is relevant because it deals with the upcoming election. A little satire is always good, verdad?
Jorge and Monte are close, working-class friends living in a modest neighborhood. Their adventures reflect a lighter side of Latino life.
Scene. Jorge’s living room, East Los Angeles.
Jorge and Monte sit on the couch talking.
Jorge: I heard there was a rally in town today.
Monte: Yeah. It was crazy.
Jorge: You were there?
Monte: No way, man. But some guy hit me up.
Jorge: You mean, like, for a date?
Monte: No, no, I was just walking to the bus stop. He hit me up.
Jorge: Why did he want you?
Monte: All I know it was some guy wearing a red Make America Great Again hat.
Jorge: Wow, sounds like you found a new friend.
Monte: He wasn’t my friend. I was just going to work.
Jorge: Why did he hit you up?
Monte: This guy says, “Hey! You’re a person of color?”
Jorge: What color was he looking for?
Monte: Beats me. I’m not exactly sure what he wanted. I asked if he was the police.
Jorge: Was he?
Monte: Not sure. So I said, “Wait, I’m innocent. I didn’t do anything! Black Lives Matter.”
Jorge: Did he see you as a brown person, a Black man, a criminal, or what?
Monte: I don’t know. It was really weird.
Jorge: Maybe he didn’t know you’re a Latino?
Monte: Could be. He did ask me, “So what are you?”
Jorge: What kind of question is that?
Monte: He tells me, “Never mind. Don’t worry. Relax. I’m just wondering. Are you doing anything right now?”
Jorge: Dude, that sounds pretty weird.
Monte: I told you it was crazy.
Jorge. Did you tell him you were just minding your own business?
Monte: Yeah, sure. I told him I was going to work.
Jorge: I would have told him something different. But I won’t say it.
Monte: When I said I had a job, this guy says, “A job! Even better.” What is that supposed to mean?
Jorge: Well, you didn’t go. At least I hope you didn’t go.
Monte: Nah, man. But he told me he had a nice bus and wanted to invite me to come with him to a big party.
Jorge: What big party? Wasn’t it a rally?
Monte: I know. I told him, “Go bug someone else.”
Jorge: So what happened?
Monte: Well, this guy tells me, “Hey, we have snacks, lots of fun giveaways, and look at this cool MAGA hat!”
Jorge: I wouldn’t wipe my ass with that hat.
Monte: But get this. He grabs my arm and says, “We can also pay you. Just come to the rally for a few minutes. Fifty bucks!”
Jorge: Is that the prevailing wage for Latinos?
Monte: I pulled my arm away. No way I’m going to a hall packed with crazy white people with no masks.
Jorge: You were wearing your mask, right?
Monte: Sure. I wanted him to run away saying, “Who is that masked man?”
Jorge: Good for you for wearing your mask. Did he leave you alone?
Monte: Nope. He was persistent. He said I can go into the hall wearing my mask.
Jorge: They just wanted you there so they can show a brown face.
Monte: “Leave me alone, go away,” I said. He tells me, “Are you sure, we have money!”
Jorge: They’re like little nasty annoying mosquitos.
Monte: Yeah, you can’t slap them away. They just hang around.
Jorge: Well, everything turned out okay for you.
Monte: The last thing he said to me was, “Okay, do you have any friends?”
Jorge: What? You must be kidding.
Monte: No way. But I gave him your name.
Jorge: I’m not voting for that pendejo.
Monte: Hey, I heard a joke today.
Jorge: Okay. But what happened to the MAGA guy?
Monte: Popeye from the neighborhood came by.
Jorge: The MAGA guy took one look at his tattoos, and gone with the wind.
Monte: It’s called voter protection. How about that joke of yours.
Jorge: Okay. Hey, two men are sitting at the bar. A middle-aged man raises his beer and proudly proclaims he’s voting for Trump. A man sitting at the end of the bar puts his glass down and says. “Sir, you’re either drunk or stupid.” The man that made the toast looks over at the man sitting at the end of the bar. He says, “I’ll have you know, I have been a proud Republican for over 40 years and Trump’s my guy.” The man at the end of the bar laughs and says, “I’m sorry. My mistake. You’re drunk and stupid.”
Monte: Maybe he was talking to that MAGA guy.
Jorge. Maybe. Hey. I’m hungry.
Monte: Let’s go get some tacos.
Jorge: Just one more thing.
Monte: No more jokes.
Jorge: This is serious.
Monte: What’s that?
Jorge: Don’t forget to take the time to vote.
Monte: You got that right. Now let’s get some tacos.
CONTRIBUTOR
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